WEIGHT! I am so glad this issue was brought up on my blog because for so long I have wanted to scream at people who talk about me regarding this issue. So, I will tell you my story….. And hopefully, we can all achieve some relief in this department. If only just to talk about it!
I am from Bensonhurst Brooklyn and I never remember talking about my weight growing up~ even when I was smack talking as a teen-ager, weight was never something that was discussed. As a matter of fact, if you didn’t have any meat on your bones, we were worried. It was never, “oh, she’s fat”.
We are just in a different time when waifs seem to rule the magazines. I am partly to blame for this because I buy these rag mags, so I guess I am condoning these girls with eating disorders being on the covers….ok ~ that is a little off point; but for my whole adult life I was always thin. And when I say “thin” I mean “normal”, and by the way with a little yummy thing called cellulite-I don’t care I’ll admit it!!! I worked out the whole time I was on the King of Queens because at the beginning of the year, we would buy clothes for Carrie for the whole season, so I had incentive to stay the same size which was 115 pounds size 2/4.
When I got pregnant, I made the conscious decision to eat and eat. I decided that was my time to enjoy myself, I thought “If I can’t do it now, when am I going to do this?”
I read all the books that said don’t eat more than… My doctor in the 5th month of my pregnancy very gently broke the news that I had gained all the baby weight I needed to and then some. He was so sweet trying to be nice and even asked me if I needed to talk to a nutritionist. I told him I didn’t have time for all that because my baby was hungry and I needed a Big Mac!!! Not for me of course, the baby wanted it. 
After that, I asked the nurse to just write down my weight on my chart and not to tell me. I knew I would have to lose it, but I would cross that bridge when I came to it. And honestly I didn’t really even know how much I was eating. It was hard because I wasn’t in my own clothes and when I looked down all I saw was a baby belly. My baby was healthy and so what!
Well, ok, so I paid for it. I gained 80 pounds and I have one beautiful stretch mark on my side that I have to say I am very proud of - I am - I kind of like it. But trying to get that weight off was not easy as you well know if you had a baby or have struggled with weight loss. But what was most damaging was how I felt about myself. On top of no sleep, a new baby and an identity crisis with this new body I found myself in, I had to be in the public eye and go back to work on NATIONAL television!
I had a lot to deal with. Not to mention the nasty people who wrote about me on the web. I felt the pressure was too much. So, I ate, again. IF I wasn’t on TV, I can’t say that I would have cared so much. That is why I respect those who have struggled with weight that aren’t in the public eye .
I had trainers, it didn’t matter, I had money to do any diet I wanted, it didn’t matter! I wanted a flippin cookie! Or cake! Or a burger and fries, because for that moment it made me happy. But then, I would feel like I failed because I ate this or that, I would then think about it all day and then say “screw it I already had the French toast, I will be ‘bad’ today, but tomorrow, I will be good”. Then I would wake up and say “Leah, DO NOT EAT BAD,” and I would do it AGAIN!!!!
So, I really had to search my soul and make a DECISION to do something about it. Not for the haters, not for Angelo (because he never said a word, bless his heart) but for the way I felt. I had to do it for me. It was weird that all those other things didn’t motivate me, it had the opposite effect. But I was “trying”….
I started Jenny Craig (lost the first weight), I did colonics hoping that the weight would come easily out that side (didn’t work), I did that syrup with Cheyenne pepper thing (didn’t work), I did another cleanse that consisted of cranberry juice (didn’t work), I got shots that cost me a fortune (and didn’t work), did Dr. Cohen’s 1st personal diet and finally lost all the weight.
Then the show ended and I lost some drive and gained 10 pounds back (which makes a HUGE difference on my body). So I again had to re-re-re-decide to do it again and keep it off. That is what I learned, that you have to do something that works long term. I know it sounds trite, but you have to make a real commitment to yourself as a lifestyle change. That doesn’t mean to deprive yourself forever, but you have to find boundaries that keep you in line, like one cheat day after you lose so many pounds and then again adding in a cheat day when you are at your ideal weight, once a week, month, whatever WORKS.
I lost weight so fast before Sofia came, but my body changed. I had to accept that. Also, I used to work out at 5am before Sofia came and after she came, my priorities changed. I didn’t have the energy to get up and run on my treadmill and it was in the NEXT ROOM!!! That’s why I say it’s about decision. Your decision. It is really hard when you are a stay at home mom and you hear advice from the experts like “when your baby takes a nap and your doing a load of laundry, do lunges on your way to the washing machine”!!!!!!!! whaattttttttttttttttttttttttttt???? If you are anything like me, when your baby goes down for a nap, I would put a load in and try to nap myself, which of course never really happened because there were calls to return, emails, cleaning and all that to do! So, that kind of stuff just didn’t fly with me. Who wants to do a lunge while walking to the washing machine? NOT I!!!
Now mind you, I am blessed with help. Not 24 hour help. I am a working mom, Make no mistake though- I am still here. But if you can’t afford someone there are still ways to do it. First: decide you want to do it; ask a friend or family member to come and help you, tell daddy or mommy when they get home from work, you want to go to the gym… seriously….you worked too all day! I have found that it wasn’t about the gym ONLY. It was the way I was eating. After a certain age, you just can’t eat like we used to! You have to be willing to change something.
Where there is a will, there is a way, to me, that is so true. It’s not about “well, if I had the $”…… to me, you are maybe skirting the issue. Walking is free. A hike with your baby - free. Deciding to change-free! There are tons of free diets on the internet, books… there is info out there. You just have to say, “I really do want to do it” and then do it! When I was doing all those fad things it was because I didn’t really want to do it. I wanted to appear like I wanted to do it, but looked for the easiest way… which long term doesn’t work!
Do you know how much better I feel now that I am at 115 pounds again? Not because people will stop talking, but because I feel like me again. I have stopped thinking about the way I look now - I was ALWAYS thinking about it before and that’s s not good. If I don’t feel good about me and I am stressed and irritable, what good am I to my daughter? I have to be good.
So, I say make that decision that you are worth asking people to help Angelo now takes Sofia in the morning so I can work out. And I don’t want to work out five days a week like I used to, but three mornings a week, I do! It KILLS me to look over at them all sound asleep, but you know what? I feel good about myself and its worth it. I have a nanny, but that doesn’t change the fact that it takes EFFORT on my part to work out or not put a Cinnamon bun in my mouth.
Ask for help from the people around you who love you. I have asked my mom to help, my sisters, Sofia’s uncles…. I don’t just leave! I am saying you can ask grandma to come and hang out with your baby and do a work out video in the next room. Or you can ask Daddy to do a diet with you so you can be on the same page. There is no shame in asking for a minute! You are not being selfish, you are trying to be a better you! What’s wrong with that?
What is your motivation? You! When Sofia is up she now comes in the gym in the am and asks if she can walk on the treadmill. We put on some music and she walks…..I love that!
True story- a friend of mine just had a baby 4 months ago. She is in the same business I am in. She has 40 pounds left to lose. Her husband is just starting a business in California, so he was gone all day and night. She has no family here and she had her baby all day and all night. She was really miserable with the way she looked. I said “So, start working out and stop eating like crap Leah Jr.” She said that she couldn’t because she had the baby and her husband was gone all day. I said “does your baby ever sleep?” She said laughing “yes”… So I told her to go and get a video and work out for one of the baby’s many naps a day or go to a diet center to get on a diet that will get the ball rolling. She couldn’t, she didn’t have the money, and she couldn’t because this and that…. And I told her that if she wanted to do it, she would. I told her to tell her husband that this was important to her and she needed to do it. She made it IMPORTANT. Not like “I am being such a stupid girl and I know this is selfish.” Her husband told her to go and he worked out the money for her to do it. She then started to work out and he came home early so she could go to the gym in her apt. she has lost 15 pounds now. It’s not that my advice worked so much; it was that she changed her mind about it. And she did something about it!
Questions/Comments? Anyone out there have similar stories? Any help we can offer each other?
Love,
Leah
Leah | 
05 31st, 2008| 